Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
