I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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