i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
