textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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