i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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