she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also, beer. Big fan.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When are your genitals available?
Enjoy the penises
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
