Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
