theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
being pregnant is like rehab
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
