I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
