my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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