And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
