I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize