My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize