is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
