Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
