Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
