that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
