alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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