I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
True but thats because hes a fetus.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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