Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
