i wish my penis had a tongue
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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