dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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