I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
