i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
