I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
