Cold hands, warm shart.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
