i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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