Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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