we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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