He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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