I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
how drunk are you?
Several
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
