the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize