as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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