i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
