Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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