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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When did angry sex become our thing?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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