All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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