I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
