I'm really into asian looking animals
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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