She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
