If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
