I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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