Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
