Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
