god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize