Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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