i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
