glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
