Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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