So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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