I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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