Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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