We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
