I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
