i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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