Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
