ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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