Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
