Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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