I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
being pregnant is like rehab
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
