i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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