i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
