i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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