I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
