Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
