isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
