And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
