Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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