I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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