So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
