i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
