Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
