Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
