It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Rumble strips road head = magical
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
