i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My vagina just clenched in fear
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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