I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
