Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
