He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
