I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
