Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
