Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize