She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
