My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She said her name was "party"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
