Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
