everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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