dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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