totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize