I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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