its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
